Gratitude and the River of Impermanence
My Journey: As we celebrate the season of gratitude, what better time to begin my blog? I am so deeply grateful for all of the love, support, sweet moments, musings, inspirations and wonderful Beings in my life. My journey over the past 20 plus months has been one of riding in the river of impermanence resting in the awareness of gratitude: gratitude for my aching back and neck as my weekly running routine came to a screeching halt, gratitude for my new job as administrator of the ashram which gave me ample time to heal, gratitude for my healing team of practitioners who were working on me 3-5 times a week, gratitude for the students who called and emailed inquiring about when my classes would begin again, gratitude for the blood at the base of my brainstem, gratitude for the trainer who was willing to take over my caseload of training clients when I was not able to train them myself.
After a severe rear-end collision in February 2010, I found myself faced head on with the practice of impermanence. Watching that which was once near and dear to my heart fall away like the changing leaves on the trees. The personal training practice I had built for the past many years was placed on hold and my weekly yoga and core training classes were paused indefinitely while I turned my awareness inward toward my necessary healing. At moments I struggled with the feeling of my heart being torn out with the realization of all that was falling away and all that was changing without my control. It was a whirlwind of sudden unexpected change.
My grounding rock in the river of this impermanence was gratitude. Each time I was faced with the realization of what my body could not do, I found gratitude in the little things my body could still do. Each moment I found myself lost in a fog from the trauma to my brain, I found myself silently holding gratitude for remembering the little things in life that had brought joy to my heart. The practice of gratitude was my rock buoying me into the core of my heart with each breath preventing me from sinking into the abyss of sorrow in what was falling away.
The gift of gratitude invited me to flow in the practice of impermanence rather than dig my heels in with resistance. I found myself eventually seeking out the impermanence just waiting to see what else would fall away giving way to the unknown, unexplored path on my journey. I used my body as a barometer to sense the stillness within amidst the uncontrollable change. Rooting into this stillness invited me to flow deeper into the unknown, the unforeseen, inspiring a letting go of what is naturally falling away without having to rationalize the “whys” of the past and the “hows” of the next moment.
In the Buddhist tradition, the first Dharma Seal is impermanence. By looking into the nature of life, we can see that this not only means that everything changes, but also that nothing remains the same for even two consecutive breaths. Our cells are changing moment to moment, our brain waves are flowing and changing within each moment, our thoughts and emotions come and go in each moment in time. Nothing remains unchanged from moment to moment; therefore nothing outside of us has a fixed identity or a permanence. However, in this practice of impermanence, we can rest in the unchanging Self; that which remains the same from moment to moment, from inhale to exhale, amidst all the day to day changes. We can rest as the awareness of the present moment rooting into the unchanging Self as our thoughts come and go, positive experiences come and go, negative experiences come and go, even as our health comes and goes.
As I continue this journey of life, I am noticing my healing sessions from the accident are coming to a close and my exercise regime is returning with renewed vitality and focus. I am pleased to announce my weekly yoga and core classes will resume in 2012 and my company, Energize, is once again thriving. Just as a butterfly’s metamorphosis transforms from a caterpillar in the dark chrysalis spreading it’s wings into the light of day as it squeezes out of the seemingly constrictive chrysalis with new found strength and beauty, I am using this time of rebirth to spread my wings soaring into the unknown with a deeper sense of gratitude.
Quote: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow”. -Melodie Beattie
Practice of Gratitude: Use your body as a barometer resting in the sensations of your body in each moment of your day. One easy tool you can use to dive into the sensations of your body is your breath. Follow your breath and let the breath reveal the sensations in your body. Notice the sensation of the breath flowing in your nose and flowing out. Notice the temperature of your skin. When you feel resistance in your body, invite yourself to find gratitude in that resistance for what the sensation of resistance is sharing with you in that very moment. When you feel the sensation of joy in your body, find gratitude for that which is bringing you joy. When you feel sorrow in your body, YES, find gratitude in that sorrow for what it is releasing and what it is sharing.
Allowing yourself to find gratitude in each moment while resting in the awareness of impermanence invites us to realize that each sensation lasts but just a moment. Sensations, experiences, moments come and they go. The joy and the sorrow are impermanent, so celebrate each sensation and each moment in gratitude for all that is in that very moment and find out what is unchanging within the river of sensations, thoughts, and emotions that are flowing. Rest in that which remains the same. As Ramana Maharishi shares with us, “Let what comes come. Let what goes go. Find out what remains.”
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